It is scary that I have this mindset.

I want to get married. I really do.

I don't know, but when I heard from E--who is only 26--his intention to settle down soon, I started to harbor the same intention too. So much about peer pressure, huh?

Maybe it is because marriage is the only way I can get to experience sexual intercourse, which I have heard, is supposedly good.

...

The statistics show that youngsters these days are having sex at an earlier age. And they are doing it with more people.

Whose fault is it? The youngsters themselves? The media for spreading the wrong message? Their parents for not cultivating the proper values of modesty?

What about you? Are you one who will stay chaste until your marriage? And do you need your partner to be a virgin too?

...

I used to be very physical with my ex-, but no no, we never did that.

There were a few times I thought we almost did, but I am glad we kept each other in check. I really cannot imagine what I would become if I have a child with me. I probably couldn't have finished university, and we probably would have had to get married.

(Gosh. I just cannot imagine that.)

That period of time, we just had lots of body contact, which till now, I am not sure, if it was that that kept us together for 5 years, or was it love itself?

Frankly, if it had been the former, it would have been such a shame. It would have been such a shame that I am loved not for being me, but for my body.

Which is now, I tell myself, I will never get into that state again for my future relationships.

But you know the amazing thing is, I have never known sexuality until I met him. So I guess it was not all a bad thing, after all.