What is that feeling?

...

...

No. I don't think I like him. I really don't think so.

But somehow, I am saddened by the fact that I won't be seeing him anymore.

Maybe, at the bottom of my heart, I am infatuated with him. Or rather, infatuated with his charisma. Infatuated with his style.

...

I thought I was very clear about what I was searching for.

I thought I was searching for...a person who understands me thoroughly. Who can know what I am thinking by my mere mannerisms. Who can give me solitude when I need to. Who knows about the world and can teach me things.

Who...

can give me a sense of security.

But somehow, I start to wonder if that was really what I was looking for.

Maybe not for now, at least? Maybe for someone to walk with me for life, yes.

He can give me security. But the feeling is not there anymore.

The feeling that is intense. That is overwhelming. That makes you breathless.

I have lost that feeling with him.

I am not sure if I can ever recapture that feeling. One thing I am sure though is,

if I ever have to choose between two guys (if I am ever so lucky to have a choice) one who gives me love, and the other gives me security,

I think I will trade love for security.

I think I can live with someone whom I don't love. But I can't live with someone whom I love but I don't feel secure with.