It is not that I can't spin. That is something I am proud of.

Unlike the rest last night who couldn't even get started on their spinning, I could start off quite well.

Even SN was commenting that I spin pretty well. That really made me kind of happy.

Although I was sure there was a problem somewhere...It was only during the time that all of us were 'tested' by SC that I realized what my problem is.

According to him, I can't finish my spin in time. As a result, I compromised by retreating my back into the lead's arms.

This cause me to become 'heavy'.

So I guess, the only way that I could become less 'heavy' is to finish in time.

...

Honestly, I am quite discouraged.

I think of the many leads who have danced with me and suffered in silence, and I can't help but feel apologetic. I must have given them a hard time.

I wonder when I will learn to activate my core, and stabilize myself.

I wonder if I will ever learn to activate my core.

...

(I have been distracted by this issue ever since last night. As of now, I still cannot find a solution.)

(Sigh. At moments like this, I really wonder, if my dream is attainable at all.)