All I can say right now is I feel comfortable with you around.

Is that enough?

I don't know.

Let's just say, I wasn't expecting what I heard that Christmas night.

Yes yes, it is a pleasant surprise, but I just wasn't expecting it.

I guess it was actually pretty obvious already; it was just I trying to be oblivious.

I mean, how was I to know? You are always so frivolous with your words. How was I to know when you mean it and when you don't? The best strategy is then to ignore. All the time.

Which I have been doing, and am getting quite good at it.

Like the time I ignored you when you ask if I was going to leave you behind when I go overseas.

Or the time you asked me what 'we' were doing together that weekend.

Or the time you said you wanted to invite me back home for dinner more often.

I don't know what other occassions there were. I only know each time, I just ignored you.

Oh yes, and when you asked me if I only treated you as a casual friend.

...

You asked me to go consider what I would hope we would become.

You said you more or less have an answer in your heart already. It is just not time yet to tell me.

You wanted to know what I thought.

I...

I...

I...

Like now, I still don't know.

It is not that I don't know what I would hope we would become. It is just that I am scared of the what we would become.

I think all this time, especially after that heartbreaking affair I have, and the heart-to-heart talk I have with you, I have come to suppress my feelings.

For you.

Whatever you have done, I have just passed it off merely as acts of kindness for a friend.

Although everyone tells me not.

Although I am also aware of the fact that you are surpassing what you would do for a friend.

...

When is the right time?

I don't know. Really, I don't.

I only know I like your company.

And I appreciate the times you miraculously am always available whenever I am going through thge hard patch.

And the way we have been leading our lives thus far: communicating through msn and sms, on the phone on fridays, and occassionally meeting up during the weekends.

I know for whichever guy I get into a relationship later on, I need space, and frankly, I embrace the space you give me. The nights out for dancing and my dose of fun and sanity.

But I also know, I don't want to be a liability now.

Which is why, maybe I won't tell you how I feel yet.

Although seriously, we don't know how things can change in half a year. I may have fallen for another person, or you for another gal.

But I guess, if it is meant to be, it is meant to be.

Isn't it?

...

Let's see. Maybe I may just tell you after New Year's Day, if you remember to send me a greeting.

If not...

Then let me double-check my feelings. Because what I am sure now is that you don't even remember my birthday (but you remember your net friend's.).

Eh. I think I am confused.

Argh...